Most Hilarious Engrish Moments

Most Hilarious Jrock and Jpop Engrish Moments at Gaijin Kanpai! J-pop and J-rock podcast

Hi there! Zer0 here. How are you folks doing tonight? Good? Good.

So you may or may not have noticed that we kinda never did our Most Hilarious Engrish Moments top 5 list on the show. Yeah... sorry about that. It proved to be far too difficult a task to accomplish, even for me, and I'm the one who had the idea. That's how much I suck.

Well, since then I've been thinking about it and going on youtube and looking through my iTunes playlist, and I have managed to come up with a suitably entertaining list of hilarous english moments! I'm sorry to say they're not ranked at all, but it should be fun to scroll through them regardless.

Ready Set Go!

 

I Kill You If You Ever Eat
Malice Mizer, "N.p.s.N.g.s" (3:09)

Gackt-era Malice Mizer could probably fill up this list all on its own, and most of them would most likely come from this song, to be honest. The real lyric is "I carry you off your feet" but... yeah, that's not what it sounds like.

(skip to 5:05, but it's almost inaudible)

A Woman Could Be Like a Nun
Ayumi Hamasaki, "Real Me"

Honestly, Ayu? Honestly? For years she said "I'm not comfortable using English, I can express myself better in Japanese," and yeah, crap like this is probably why. A woman could be like a nun? Who says that? NO ONE, AYU. THAT'S WHO. NO ONE.

(skip to 2:30)

"To Feel The Fire"
Gackt (full song)

...*facepalm*


My Favorite Japanese Word is Tokyo Because I Love You

(Ayaka's Surprise English Lessons)

This series of videos is hilarious, and it was very hard to narrow it down to a favorite. "I'll get off here" almost made it due to... okay, reasons that should be obvious (if you have as dirty a mind as I do). But this one made me giggle the most.


Towards a Fry Zone

Do As Infinity, "Break of Dawn" (1:15)

The Fry Zone of course being the roped-off area of the beach where Frylock and Ronald McDonald rule over their little fry minions. Don't go there, man asking for directions!! DON'T GO THERE!

(skip to 1:12)

We All Feel His Strength of Tender
GLAY, "We All Feel His Strength Of Tender" (3:30)

The title enough was probably enough to make you smirk a bit. The real punchline is that the real culprit, the one guilty of actually SINGING this line, is a gospel singer who is very obviously a native English speaker. If the engrish lyrics in this song aren't already cracking you up by 3:30 into the song, may I recommend putting that glass of water down, lest you make a mess.

(There's not even a copy of this song on youtube. No one cares enough to share it. That's how much this song sucks.)

I Reach the Watery Depses!
Malice Mizer, "ILLUMINATI" (2:23)

This lyric from "Illuminati" is already hilarious on its own. Then you see it live. Gackt delivers this line with such passion and power! IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT LINE EVER!! And he has no idea what he's saying. Ten years later and this shit STILL cracks me up.

(skip to 2:21)

Kiss Me In The Stormy
Luna Sea, "STORM" (2:00)

The stormy what? The stormy storm? Wait, are you using "stormy" as a noun? What? I'm so confused x_X

(skip to 2:19)

I Want Your Baby
Utada Hikaru, "Kettobase!" (0:00)

The discomfort and vicarious embarrassment I felt when I first heard the intro of this song is as yet unmatched. 


Let's Try Some Noise Bit

Tohoshinki, "O" (0:00)

The real lyric is "Let's try some noisy beats." ...And this is the guy in the group who's supposed to know English.

Maybe My Love Is Bigger Than The Gingerbread Man's Vitality
Yuchun from Tohoshinki, "My Girlfriend" (01:28)

Again, this is the one who's supposed to know English. Good for you, Chun. Good for you.

(skip to 1:28)

Crap your hands
Koda Kumi and Show Luo, "Twinkle" (0:54)

I don't think I want to, Kuu. I don't think I want to. 

(skip to 0:54)


Got any more you wanna add? Wanna yell at me for mishearing things and insist everyone here has perfect English? Wanna say something doesn't belong on this list? Are you insulted that I forgot something? Then don't be a stranger to the comment section! Lemme have it!